You’re Carrying the Wrong Responsibility

Imagine for a moment your closest friends. Some live nearby, and you probably saw them recently. Others may be across state lines or even abroad, and each tirelessly coordinated FaceTime call simply isn't enough. What wouldn't you do for these people? It's a short list, I'm sure.

Proximity doesn't tie these relationships together. You won't find trauma bonds here. No, these friendships have evolved from something deeper, healthier, and have somehow weathered life's mountains and valleys, remaining intact and going strong.

I'm a big believer in these types of friendships and the deep-seated need they fulfill in our lives for belonging, affirmation, and the sharpening of our faith and worldview. Quite frankly, these relationships bring a fulfillment a job never could and a security in your place in the world that surface-level social status never will. And, at the risk of making you roll your eyes, they could never—ever, not even when pigs fly—be replaced by cyberspace and social media communities. Alas, I don't think taking care of them is talked about enough.

When was the last time you asked these cherished people, "How can I be a friend to you in this season?" When was the last time you thought about your current contribution to them? Can I also just say asking something like that isn't weird or old-school? It's refreshing, selfless, and honorable.

There are a couple pieces of insight and counsel I've implemented over the years that I want to share with you in hopes that you become the friend you've always desired to be—and enjoy the relational fruitfulness and fulfillment along the way.

In relationships, you have authority to steward, not a responsibility to control.

Responsibility is a golden quality in our society and in the Church. If you're responsible and willing to take responsibility, you're rare. Hear me out...

As a Jesus follower, I've been given authority through God's Word and prayer—and this isn't just for my own decisions, struggles, and future. Last time I checked, Scripture talks about being a good friend, sharpening one another, and the love shared between friends. Why have we not looked at relationships like this before? Why are we not tapping into the God-given authority to steward these precious relationships?

Allow me to illustrate what I mean.

There was a season when a few friends and I were believing God for breakthrough in our marriages. We were praying for promotions, freedom, physical healing, emotional healing—you name it. These conversations surfaced one-on-one, when we were all together, during celebrations, and even on the hard days.

Finally, one friend suggested we start intentionally taking spiritual ground for what we were believing God to do, and we all agreed. Next thing you know, we met faithfully over the course of a year to pray for our marriages and for one another. The fruit was undeniable. I could go on and on about what we each experienced and continue to experience because of those prayers.

We took hold of our God-given authority and stewarded that season of friendship and marriage.

You want to know what else we did?

We relinquished control and the insistent desire to take responsibility for what we each so desperately wanted to see.

Are you seeing the difference?

Responsibility is self-led. Authority is Spirit-led.

Responsibility is earned. Authority is given.

Responsibility is found in one's ability and willpower. Authority is found through the Word and prayer.

Taking responsibility for your own actions and attitude is part of maturing and growing. It's not something to disregard or put off until you're "older." However, I would challenge your thinking about the control that responsibility can quietly produce when it's directed toward other people in your relationships.

As the phrase goes, "take responsibility." It literally implies taking ownership. That's appropriate for your own life—but not for someone else's.

Furthermore, how can someone be a loving, servant-hearted, dependable friend if the primary lens through which they view friendship is themselves?

How am I coming across?

Did I say the right thing?

Am I being affirmed and appreciated?

Listen, these are basic human needs we're talking about, so these examples of our inner dialogue aren't left field by any means.

But what if there was a different lens?

What if you viewed that relationship through the lens of stewardship—focused entirely on who they are, what God is doing in their life, and who they're becoming?

Doesn't that simply feel different already?

Friendships. Marriage. New networking connections. Raising children.

In all these relational spheres, we have authority to steward them.

Stewardship is noble in nature. You're being trusted with something—or, for the sake of this blog, someone.

Stewardship implies care. You either do or you don't, and the very thing you're stewarding will reveal which.

Stewardship paints a picture of open hands with a heart positioned toward Heaven.

"God, how can I care for those You've put in my hands?"

A beloved mentor of mine told me something as a teenager that has never left me.

"Haley, you must leave people better than how you found them."

Fifteen-plus years later, I've shared that countless times and preached it to myself even more. That's stewardship.

Lastly, I want to hone in on the authority part of all this for just a moment.

Don't hear what I'm not saying.

You do not have authority over these precious people simply because they're precious to you. In our culture, authority often looks like control, giving orders, or exercising power over someone else. Biblical authority couldn't be more different. It's rooted in God's Word. It directs our faith, shapes our daily lives, and becomes the guide by which we love others.

Let me make this really simple.

Are you believing God's Word, the promises He gives us, and the words of love He has written for us—for the closest people in your life, or just yourself?

So how do we steward with authority?

By daily depending on Scripture as your roadmap for relationships. By fighting for them in prayer. By believing what God says over what you currently see. And by always holding people with open hands, knowing He alone knows what they need and exactly how to get it to them.

Okay...but relationships can be messy. What about then?

Especially then.

Is there offense?

God has given you authority to reject offense and choose forgiveness.

"Wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense." — Proverbs 19:11

Is there spiritual warfare?

God has given you authority through Christ over every principality of darkness.

"But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one." — 2 Thessalonians 3:3

Is there addiction?

God has given you authority to walk in freedom from every yoke of slavery.

"I have the right to do anything—but not everything is beneficial... I will not be mastered by anything." — 1 Corinthians 6:12

Is there pain?

God has given you authority to pursue healing with Him at your side, refusing to let pain become a prison.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." — Psalm 34:18

Relationships stewarded well are, in fact, messy. There will be inconvenience and bad timing. Emotional repair will be needed along the way. And because we're all imperfect, healthy relationships will deepen our dependence on the Lord.

So, you start embracing relationships differently. What's the worst that could happen?

You begin believing for others, helping them become all God has created them to be, while growing closer to your Savior in the process?

Sounds pretty fulfilling and life-giving to me.

You start viewing others as more esteemed than you did before and become dead set on leaving people better than how you found them?

Sounds like everyone is going to love being around the person who consistently makes them feel seen, important, and encouraged.

If you've been in a relationship rut, here's your rope out.

Relinquish control.

Walk in your God-given authority to steward every relationship God has graciously brought into your life, and live in the satisfaction that follows.

I encourage you to reach out to those ride-or-dies and ask the question:

"How can I be a friend to you in this season?"

Maybe they need accountability. Maybe they need someone to pray with every week. Maybe they need a friend to walk through a Bible study with them. Maybe they're trying a new small group and simply don't want to walk in alone.

Whatever it is, keep your hands open, your heart toward Heaven, and steward them with the authority given to you by God Himself.

-Haley

I’m grateful for these girls who’ve prayed with me, cried with me, laughed with me, and did/do their best to love me like Jesus.